Most of my friends work in tech. A lot of them didn’t finish college. They started businesses, taught themselves to code, figured it out. So when I read that education level predicts how many friends you have, it didn’t match my world at all.
But the data is clear. People with college degrees have significantly more close friendships than people without degrees. Daniel Cox at the Survey Center on American Life found this. And the gap is growing.
This connects to something I wrote about recently. In my analysis of Join or Die and Bowling Alone, I talked about how churches and unions used to create community. Those institutions are disappearing. And non-college-educated Americans are getting hit the hardest.
The Key Finding
Daniel Cox directs the Survey Center on American Life. His research found something striking. College graduates maintain more close friendships than non-degree holders. This represents a reversal of previous assumptions about the friendship recession.
The gap is real. And it’s growing.
Why College Grads Have More Friends
Cox identified three mechanisms that explain the divide:
1. Employment Stability
College graduates have steadier employment. This sustains workplace friendships over time. When you keep your job, you keep your work friends. Non-degree holders face more job turnover. Every job change means starting over socially.
Think about that. If you’re switching jobs every year or two, you never build the kind of deep workplace friendships that come from being in the same place for five years. And with in-person interaction being so important for real connection, remote and gig work makes this even harder.
2. Institutional Participation
Cox says it plainly: “The primary way that people make friends is through institutions.”
College itself builds massive social networks. Clubs. Fraternities. Sports teams. Study groups. These connections persist after graduation. But here’s the problem. If you didn’t go to college, you missed out on four years of institutional friendship-building.
And it’s not just college. College grads are more likely to join professional associations, alumni groups, and social organizations after graduation too. Each one is another opportunity to meet people in a structured setting.
3. Third Spaces
Ray Oldenburg coined the term “third spaces” in the late 1980s. These are locations beyond home and work. Coffee shops. Book clubs. Meetups. Gyms. Libraries.
College graduates use these spaces more frequently. Cox found that “college graduates just seemed to be more involved in things like informal book clubs and meetups.” Non-degree holders are less likely to participate in these social settings.
I think money plays a role here too. A lot of third spaces cost money. Gym memberships. Coffee shop visits. Classes. When you’re on a tight budget, spending $5 on a latte just to be around people feels like a waste. But it’s actually an investment in your social health.
The Decline of Traditional Institutions
This brings me back to Bowling Alone. Robert Putnam’s book documented the collapse of civic participation. Churches. Unions. Bowling leagues. Rotary clubs. These organizations created community for everyone regardless of education level.
But they’re disappearing. And their decline disproportionately harmed non-college-educated Americans. Why? Because college graduates replaced those institutions with new ones. Book clubs instead of church groups. CrossFit instead of bowling leagues. Meetup.com instead of union halls.
People without degrees lost their institutions. And they didn’t get replacements.
This is one of the things that Richard Reeves talks about at the Brookings Institution. The structures that used to create community for working-class Americans are gone. And nothing has filled that gap.
It’s Not Just About Education
I want to be clear about something. A college degree doesn’t make you better at friendship. What it gives you is access to more structured social opportunities. More clubs. More events. More people in your network by default.
The real issue is access to social infrastructure. If you live in a suburb with no walkable downtown, no community center, and no free gathering spaces, making friends requires a car, gas money, and time you might not have. That’s a structural problem. Not a personal one.
I think about this a lot when I host events. The people who show up are mostly college-educated professionals. That’s partly self-selection. But it’s also because they have the time, money, and awareness to seek out social events. We need more low-cost, accessible ways for everyone to connect. The stats on how many adults didn’t make a friend last year cut across every demographic. This is everyone’s problem.
What You Can Do
This divide isn’t permanent. Cox offers practical advice. “Just get out of the house and spend time around where you live.”
Here’s what works:
- Find your third space. It doesn’t have to be expensive. Public libraries are free. So are park walking groups. Community centers offer cheap classes.
- Show up regularly. Friendship requires repetition. Go to the same coffee shop. Join the same pickup basketball game. Attend the same church service. Building friendships happens side-by-side, through shared activities.
- Replace technology with humans. Cox warns: “We use technology to fill in the gap that at one point we would rely on another human.” Put down your phone. Talk to your neighbors.
- Host something small. You don’t need a college degree to throw a party. I wrote The 2-Hour Cocktail Party specifically for this. Small gatherings build real connections.
- Look for local institutions. Sports leagues. Volunteering. Hobby groups. These create the structure that friendships need.
The friendship divide is real. But it’s not destiny. Institutions create friendships. If the old institutions are gone, we need to build new ones.
And we need to make sure everyone has access. The friendship recession doesn’t care about your resume. But right now, the solutions are stacked in favor of people with degrees, money, and time. That needs to change.
This article draws on “The ‘Friendship Divide’ Explained” by Jonny Thomson, published in Big Think (October 2024). Cox’s research comes from “Disconnected: The Growing Class Divide in American Civic Life.”